Thursday, August 18, 2011

Mother Nature Can Bite Me!

I was inspecting my face this morning to see if anything needed to be popped, picked or plucked and I saw not one, but two little black hairs on my chin. WTF? How did those get there? I don't remember seeing them yesterday, but they were long enough that they had to be a few days old. Have I seriously been walking about sporting these chin hairs? I was horrified! These two weren't even the kind that hide under the chin and a little back. Oh no, they were prominently in front. I have a big thing against chin hair and regularly, some may say obsessively, check for them so it's very disconcerting that those two had gone unnoticed. Especially since I've had this nasty zit brewing just below my lip for days that I've been constantly checking to see if it's time to pop. I've been extra up close with that area of my face lately. Maybe I've been too focused on the zit? Maybe the chin hairs magically grew that entire length overnight? 

If I have interacted with you over the last couple of days and subjected you to this horror, 1. I apologize and B. Why didn't you say something? I mean not in an embarrassing way in front of other people like I did to my Mom one time in an ice cream place after she had so kindly taken me and a friend to see a movie. I was 11ish and I was actually trying to be helpful, but discrete I was not. Sorry Mom! I mean take me aside and gently break it to me or send me a text or something. I guess it's a bit awkward if you don't know someone really really really well to point out their crazy chin hairs. It is a little more personal than lipstick on the teeth, food stuck in the teeth or a tag sticking up. However, I give you permission in the future to instruct me to tweeze. I assure you I'm not trying to go natural and embrace the chin hairs. If they are still attached, it's only because I somehow missed them in my morning mirror scrutiny routine. I've already instructed my daughter that when I get old and can't see them, which is apparently already the case, or am too gorked out to do anything about them, she is to help me out and tweeze baby tweeze.

Perhaps I should start wearing glasses for the morning face inspection or maybe I should invest in one of those scary magnification mirrors like they have in hotel bathrooms. I actually love those things cause I love to pop, pick and pluck. The biggest reason I don't yet have one is that I have a tendency to over pick my milia, tiny white cyst things, and look like I've been in battle. If I had one of those magnifying mirrors I could easily get out of control. Even without the special mirror I sometimes just go for it and end up slightly swollen and bloody and then try to drop in conversation that I've been to the dermatologist so people think a doctor did that to me. I actually have walked out of the dermatologist office looking pretty scary so it could happen. I should have been a dermatologist as I love to pop zits and stick needles in my little milia. I think dermatologists also have to look at random rashes and sometimes tell people they have skin cancer though and those things suck so probably best I don't start applying to med schools. 

The simultaneous zit and chin hair issue is why I'm particularly cross with Mother Nature. While not at peace with all these getting older body changes, I'm doing my best to deal with them. The random hairs, the gray hairs, the toll of pregnancies and gravity are all expected, but what up with the acne? Why do I need wrinkle cream and zit cream at the same time? Is it really necessary to relive teenage angst at the same time as dealing with middlish age angst? 

I call bullshit!

Peace & Love :-) 

1 comment:

  1. where's the TMI reactions check box?


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