Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Return of the Wine Fairy

Last night my Wine Fairy painting was returned to it's place of honor in my kitchen. My uber talented friend, Sharpie Fine Girl, created this piece for me to mark the occasion of my 40th birthday back in December. 

The Wine Fairy
When I initially brought The Wine Fairy home I carried her all over the house debating on the perfect spot for her finally determining the kitchen, where she could watch over my wine choices, was it.

She didn't grace the kitchen wall for too long before SFG wanted her back. How rude! SFG had been invited to show her artwork, but was mostly sold out of her paintings and needed to borrow back some pieces for the show. Pretty great problem to have I think. Because I am an awesome, supportive friend I acquiesced. 

Off went my Wine Fairy to be viewed by the masses leaving an empty spot on the wall that even Scott noticed. I hope nobody touched her! The show has been over for a couple months-ish, but it took SFG a while to get her back to me. Allegedly she "forgot" The Wine Fairy last month when I saw her, but perhaps there's more to the story.

I got her back last night and delivered her safely to my kitchen where she can watch over and protect me. Except for when I take her to the store where she will guide me in choosing excellent, low priced, delectable wine. Yes, she is that powerful and no, you may not borrow her. Maybe SFG knows her powers and that's why it took so long to get her back? Maybe SFG made a copy of my Wine Fairy and kept the original for herself? Wait... SFG is a beer girl so that doesn't even make sense. Whew. Close one!

peace & love ;-)

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Conversations with Scott... I'll ban it!

Scott: "What?"

Me: "Nothing. I don't think you'll like what I have to say so I'm not going to say anything."

Scott: "Great."

Me: "And I probably won't blog about it."

Scott: "You can only blog about me if I say so."

Me: "Uh-huh."

Scott: "I'll ban you from blogging about me."

Me: "I don't think so."

Scott: "It's not anonymous."

Me: "It's anonymous-ish."

Scott: "Everyone that knows both of us knows that it's about us. Only people that don't know us, don't know that it's us. That's fucking fantastic."

Touche Scott.

peace & love ;-)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I'm Going Back to 1976 to Get a Good Night's Sleep.


This morning. 2:30 a.m.: 

The boy, age 6, showed up on my side of the bed which he does every time he needs to pee in the middle of the night rather than heading straight for the toilet. Always my side. Never Scott's side. Always my side. Always.

Me: "Go potty."

The boy: (runs off to use the potty, turns on the bathroom light, closes the door loudly, slams up the toilet seat, pees, flushes, slams down the toilet seat, washes hands, opens door, turns off light and returns to the bedside) "Please tuck me back in."

Me: "hmmff" (haul self out of the warm bed, down the hall & up the loft bed ladder)

The boy: "It's 2:30. I have 4 more hours to sleep. I can do that." (He then rolls over and is asleep... like instantly)

Me: (down the ladder, down the hall, to the bathroom -obviously since I'm already up-, back to bed & wide awake) "WTF?"

I don't think it took me too long to go back to sleep, but it wasn't roll over and be out. I tried that and I was awake long enough to know it didn't work. 

I've decided I need to invent a pill, a method, a something that gives adults 'kid sleep'. So many times Scott and I have discussed just how much we'd pay to have one night of kid sleep. I think we have upped the ante to somewhere around 3 gazillion dollars. 

I've never taken Ambien or the like and I'm not lining up to do it, because I would certainly eat random things in the night or drive over to ARCO and pump gas in just my underwear or something else dangerous and/or embarrassing and/or fattening. 

I'm down with having wine, or whatever your pleasure is, to ease you towards slumber, but in my experience it doesn't produce 10 hours of solid sleep or allow for easily going back to sleep at 3 a.m. It has been suggested that maybe I'm just not drinking enough of it, but I don't really want to feel like I've been run over by a bus every morning so I've decided against chugging copious amounts of wine as a sleep aid. I have considered, but not actually tried, keeping a glass bedside for middle of the night sleep inducement. That seems like borderline alcoholic behavior though.

Narcotics without an IV of Compazine make me hurl so no.

The Michael Jackson drug, propho-something-or-other, seems like an extremely bad idea and I don't actually know Nurse Jackie so I doubt I could get my hands on any.

My invention will be all natural, organic, be legal everywhere without a special card, will have no side effects and will allow you to sleep long and hard without worry like my children do. Like I did when I was a kid and would fall asleep draped over the top of the couch and have no memory of being moved to my bed. Like I was even able to do when I came home from college, but never ever able to do in my dorm, apartments, or houses. The sleep that comes with the deep rooted sense of security that someone else is in charge, you will be taken care of and not even the smallest part of you needs to be on alert. 

That's the sleep I crave.
Me circa age 5.

Another solid example of fabulous kid sleep.
Also circa age 5.

I'm starting to think a pill is the wrong direction to go. A time machine seems like the better choice here. That's clearly the easier path to take. I'm going to get right on it. Just think when I am rich and famous you can say you knew me when.

peace & love ;-).


This morning at 3:33 a.m. I got a text from my mother:

Mom: "Read blog at 3:23. 2 thumbs up on pics."

My phone lives on my night stand right next to my head during the night as I don't have a land line and if anyone needs to call me in an emergency situation that is the only way to contact me. When my text noise went off at 3:30, I sat straight up thinking my alarm was going off and did I forget I was teaching at 6:00.  

Scott: "Does she think you are always awake at 3:30?"

Me: "I think she thinks my sound is off or the phone is downstairs or maybe she thinks I started that wine sipping thing and am passed out and won't hear it."

So today I text back:

Me: "Thx. BTW, your 3:30 a.m. text woke me up. 2 thumbs down."

Mom: "Noooo. Why is your sound not off at night?"

And there you have it. 

Now if I could just get Alanis' "Isn't ironic" out of my head...

Friday, April 6, 2012

Ta Da!

The kids and I made our annual Easter Bunny Cake today. My mom started making the bunny cake with me in 1977 when I was 5. We change up the the candy and colors each year, but the basic bunny remains the same.

This year's cake.

The boy's plan for the cake which we took to the store instead of a written list and referenced while decorating.
This cake gives you big bang for your buck. It's relatively easy and always impresses. All you need is a cake mix, 2 tubs of frosting and candy.

Pour batter into 2 8" rounds and bake.

After cooling leave 1 round intact and cut the other round like this to get the ears and bow tie.

Arrange on tray and trim bow tie and ear pieces as needed.

Then you frost, decorate and viola... bunny cake. Most years we make a white cake, because I feel it's the easiest to frost prettily, but this year the kids super duper wanted a red velvet cake so we went for it. For the first time ever I did a crumb layer of frosting and then refrigerated the cake for a bit. I had to google "refrigerating cake and frosting" to figure out what to do. I had a vague notion of cake/frosting/refrigeration, but no real plan. Turns out the crumb layer (which just means do a thin first layer of frosting to seal down the crumbs and then refrigerate for 10+ minutes) was genius and the white bunny with red innards is a success. 

We are bringing the bunny cake to a party tomorrow. Usually when people comment on the bunny cake I explain how easy it is to make. My daughter has suggested that tomorrow I be prepared to say how difficult and laborious the process was so that I get extra props. So, if by chance you have both read this and are attending the same party tomorrow, nod and smile when I lie to your face.

peace & love ;-)

p.s. bunny cakes from the past.

Would you care for some cereal with that sugar?

Yesterday I had a serious lapse in judgement and knowingly purchased all of these cereals at once for the express purpose of my children's consumption:

Honey Comb (10g Sugar)
Honey Kix (6g Sugar)
Fruit Loops (12g Sugar)
Cinnamon Toast Crunch (10g)

I don't know what made me so amenable. Maybe it was that we had just picked out everything for our annual bunny cake based on the boy's drawing of how we should decorate it this year. Maybe it was the funny memory of my baby brother, who turned 29 yesterday, being scared of the Easter Bunny. We had to leave notes asking the bunny to please leave the Easter baskets on the porch. Maybe I was just in a good mood from the shining sun. 

Whatever it was, my children were thrilled and while I was hoping I wouldn't see anyone I knew during checkout I was kind of liking being the fun cereal mom for once. Usually I am the mean cereal mom. There was that one summer at the cabin when I said yes to a box of Fruit Loops. 1 box for the whole 2 weeks. Also, I did allow the boy to eat Cocoa Krispies and a chocolate glazed donut for breakfast every morning on our recent cruise. I am not without my fun breakfast moments, but at least 49 weeks of the year, not really so fun.

Here is where I guess I should say that while I do not buy 100% organic nor only 100% whole grain, I do generally make healthy choices for my family. We always have fresh fruits and vegetables. I prepare mainly chicken and fish and the occasional lean meat. I never fry anything or add salt outside of a baking recipe. We do sometimes have chips around (usually, but not always baked ones) and 99% of the time there are some type of sweets to be enjoyed after meals. I like to buy my cookies at Trader Joe's, because even sweets are somehow magically healthier when they come from Trader Joe's. It's a fact. Now you know.

Before I even got out of bed this morning, the boy informed me he had eaten 2 bowls of some combo of the above cereal and his stomach hurt. My immediate reaction (with eyes still closed) was to announce that I was going to rectify my lapse in judgment by tossing out all that evil sugar cereal. Then I remembered that sometimes the boy claims his tummy hurts because he wants to watch TV. 

What to do? Toss it all? Set limits at 1 bowl followed by yogurt or fruit if still hungry? Eat it all myself to save the children?

Here's what I did: I asked the Keurig to make me a cup of coffee. No decisions should be made before coffee. Then I googled the nutrition information for the cereals I usually purchase.

Honey Nut Cheerios (9g)
Trader Joe's Honey Nut O's (10g)
Frosted Mini Wheats (10g)
Trader Joe's Frosted Shredded Bite Size Wheats (11g)
Trader Joe's Maple Frosted Shredded Bite Size Wheats (12g)
Cinnamon Life (8g)

The numbers are quite similar. The lowest amount of sugar is in yesterday's purchased Honey Kix. Very interesting...

Should I feel vindicated? Should I feel duped? Should I feel like an ignoramus? Should I expect the kids to eat plain Cheerios (1g) or Rice Krispies (4g) without adding sweetener? Should I tell them it's unsweetened steel cut oatmeal and fresh fruit or starve in the morning? Should I buy only Fruit Loops?

I DON'T KNOW! I haven't had my second cup of coffee and these questions are just too much for me...

peace & love ;-)

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Wee Hours WTF?

Early this morning around 2 a.m. or so I was awake and attempting to do what I tell my kids: get comfortable, lay still and go to sleep. I was trying to clear my mind and avoid running through my to do list or obsessing over terrible accidents that could befall my loved ones. I'm not great at clearing my head and being zen. Here's some of the weird shit that was running through my head:

  • I really shouldn't have taken that afternoon nap, but I was sooo tired...

  • (to the tune of Low) she hit the wall, she hit the wall, next thing you know, shawty got z, z, z, zzzs...

  • (to the tune of Not Afraid) I'm not asleep, I'm not asleep, which really blows, which really blows... I can't go on living this way, So starting today, some bitch has to pay...

  • The shower principle! I keep forgetting I want to write about that episode of 30 Rock where Liz was Jack's shower principle and how I wrote about the shower principle a while back, except I didn't call it the shower principle, but I was yammering about it before Tina Fey explored it on TV...

  • This jibberish might be good for the blog. I should put it in my iphone notes... 

Then I hid under the covers and typed this bullshit entertainment gold into my notes on the iphone cuz I didn't want to disturb Scott with the light from the phone. I'm very considerate like that, but then it got really hot under there so I had to stop. I guess I went back to sleep then, because my notes end and I can't recall any further witty repertoire with myself. Obviously I should hide under the covers and take notes more often. My middle of the night neuroses is good stuff or at the very least passable material for a half ass blog entry. 

That reminds me how much I loved it on Parks & Rec a few weeks ago when Ron Swanson said, "Never half ass two things, whole ass one." I can't tell you how many times I've said to my kids, "Don't do that half ass, do it full ass." Words of wisdom my friends. Words of wisdom.

Peace & Love ;-)