tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50057888998665234372024-02-21T04:02:40.717-08:00The Musings of Lil TiradeRandom thoughts from a younger than middle age, hippish in her own mind, tone deaf wife/mother/fitness instructor/social media ninja wanna be.Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-4040599638195803832013-04-04T11:51:00.002-07:002013-04-04T11:51:16.913-07:00Mother Sucka<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm awesome at shutting down solicitors. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Knock on my door and try to sell me shit or impose your beliefs on me and I will a) not answer the door whilst possibly yelling "no thanks" through the closed door, b) open the door, if I'm in a generous mood and you don't look scary, and let you get about 3 words out and then close the door whilst saying "no thanks" or c) if you are a neighborhood kid, open the door, listen politely to your little spiel and then explain that if I were buying from that catalog it would be from my own kids who you know live at this house and attend your school and why are you going door to door anyway when the school flyer clearly states- don't do that?!?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do not even attempt to engage with me if you work at a mall kiosk. I will ignore you and your attempt to hand me a coupon and keep on walking. Until last week that is when I bought a new hair straightener. At the mall. From a kiosk chick. It's a very good (but not actually magical) straightener and you can also make it curl your hair (which apparently can be done with any straightener) and the sales chick made my hair look really cool. It did cost too much and it's of course not returnable, but she did throw in $70 hair serum for free. For free! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So here's what happened. I took my 12 y/o daughter and her 2 friends to the mall and turned them lose. They had instructions to check in at certain times and to answer my texts or calls ASAP in order to keep their wandering about unsupervised privileges. This left me on my own at the mall. I think they did better with their new found freedom than I did. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was actually doing awesome before the kiosk incident. First I enjoyed the nirvana that is Nordstrom. I love everything about Nordstrom with the exception of the price tags on most of their stuff, but there were quite a few sales racks and the customer service is the same amount of wonderful no matter how much you're forking out. I mean I assume it is. I've always gotten fabulous customer service spending in the tens or hundreds. I'm not sure what happens if you spend thousands. Maybe they carry you on their shoulders out to your car? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyway, after success at Nordies, I headed to MAC to get some essentials like under eye revitalizer and foundation and possibly new eye shadows for Spring. I ended up letting the MAC lady redo my whole face. Yes, I bought a few more items than I went in for, but we all lead with our face and MAC is quality shit and well worth it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So there I am with my Nordies bag and my MAC bag strolling through the mall feeling sassy with time to burn and the kiosk girl appears in front of me. "Can I ask you a question about your hair?" she says. "What?" I say apparently too giddy from my shopping and newly made up face to clue into what was happening. Next thing I know I'm in the chair and she's doing this magical curling thing on my hair with a straightener. Then I was trapped. I wasn't going to get up an wander the mall with 1/4 of my hair curled. The girl just keeps talking and asking me questions and curling my hair. There was a special that day (uh-huh) and all the straighteners (just pick your favorite color) were on sale 1/2 off. All you had to do was look at the box to see the full price and know you were getting a smokin deal. Then she offered me the free smoothing serum (the serum actually works well) and all of a sudden I'm handing over my credit card.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I walked away with very cute hair and that feeling of what the fuck just happened? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I did a comparison the next day and I still like my Chi straightener better than the mall one and guess what? I'm not great at the magical curling thing with either straightener. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My daughter had been complaining that she needed a new straightener so I gave the mall one to her and she's happy with it so there's that. I am now telling myself that my lapse in judgement did not result in a complete waste of money.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The girl has been appreciative of the gift, but she did say to me in a rather sincere tone, "tell me again why you bought that mall straightener?". Never one to shy away from a teaching moment I spun my story into a cautionary tale and concluded with, "I was just plain bamboozled". She then pointed and laughed at me and I deserved it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love :-)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-55344431271731453822012-12-12T17:24:00.000-08:002012-12-12T17:24:46.859-08:00My name isn't Suzy!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lately, I've been having a lot of Suzy Homemaker moments. And while technically I am a "homemaker", I don't identify myself that way. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Loving, Devoted Wife & Mother. Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Stay at Home Mom. Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Retired Speech-Language Pathologist. Yes. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Xbike Instructor. Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Damn Good Friend. Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes Blogger. Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Witty Bitch. Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Maid. Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cook. Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Laundry Fairy. Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hunter & Gatherer. Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wine lover. Yes. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Over-volunteerer. Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Homemaker. Wait, What?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm not sure why I don't identify with the term homemaker or why this label irks me. Labels don't matter, right? I guess in my head it just seems so 1950s. Not that there was anything wrong with being a homemaker in the 50s. (Best to cover my bases in case one of my dead grandmothers gets wind of this. They could be reading over my shoulder. Sometimes one of them makes the lights in my house flicker. True story.) I've even heard that doctors in the 50s were pretty liberal with the valium for those homemakers, so there's that. What? Widespread valium use doesn't go in the pro column? Oh. My mistake. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyway, here are some of the occurrences of late that have given me the homemaker hibbie jibbies. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. I got a Shark Steam Mop and I am ridiculously excited about it. A mop!?! WTF? I love it. I tell people about it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. I've been ironing Scott's shirts. I. DON'T. IRON. Yet, I've ironed his shirts now on 2 occasions. Maybe I've been replaced by one of those Stepford Wives? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. I got new plungers at Costco today and I cannot wait for someone to clog up the toilet so I can try one out, which I'm sure will be soon as for some mysterious reason we use plungers quite a bit at our house. We blame the toilets. Ok, so hear me out on this. Rubbermaid has this new genius plunger called the Clean & Dry Plunger. Scott showed me an ad for it this morning on Youtube and we were both sadly very intrigued. Then I saw a 2 pack at Costco and got so excited that I texted Scott a pic and put them in my cart pronto. The plunger "repels water & other things". The demo in the ad is super cool. Go ahead and Goggle it. I'll wait. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yeah, big sigh, I'm a Homemaker. Better than a Homewrecker. I aspire to one day be a Lady of Leisure, but until I get a staff to mop the floor and plunge the toilet, I'm happy to have the latest and greatest technology to help me do the job.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peace & Love ;-)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-72263584079469019972012-09-14T10:25:00.002-07:002012-09-14T10:25:57.362-07:00Almost Setting a Good Example<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">True confession time. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am a tad judgmental. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have not really gotten more mature over the years, but for the most part I've gotten better at faking it. Also, I am more willing to move past first impressions and give someone a chance. I try to not say things out loud in front of the children disparaging someone's appearance. However, if you prove to me through word or action that you are a douche bag, then I care not if you are winning any beauty pageants, I will not be shy about expressing what an ass hat you are. At least from the safety of my car. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday, because I'm such a nice mom and also because I was craving a Matcha Green Tea Blast, I took the kids to Jamba Juice. I pull in the crowded parking lot and see an open spot right in front of Jamba. Perfect. I go to pull in said spot and there is a women (who was neither slight nor attractive) standing with the door of her car open in the next spot. She was going through papers of some sort. I pull partially into my spot and wait as I don't want to deal with the insurance hassle of ramming her or her car door. I wait uncharacteristically patiently. I do not honk. I do not gesture. I do not say mean things. I simply wait.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She keeps glancing up at me and going back to the papers. I smile and wait. After a minute or so, in a clearly huffy manner, she grabs her papers, slams her car door and stomps off to the other side of her car shaking her head.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "I guess my nice waiting made her angry."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy: "Why is she so mad?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "I don't know. Just get out of the car and don't say anything."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We go in Jamba. Get our smoothies and get back in the car. As I'm pulling out of the spot I notice my parking lot friend coming out of Jamba.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Here comes the angry lady out of Jamba. I didn't even notice her in there."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy: "How come you made her so angry?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Maybe she is having a bad day. Maybe she was already irritated and moving out of my way just sent her over the edge. It probably has very little to do with me." (notice how calm and super mature I'm being)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Or maybe she's jealous that I'm cuter than her." (not so mature, but clearly this is a joke and I cracked myself up)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The girl: (looking up from texting) "Are you talking about that fat old lady? Yeah, you are the winner of that cuteness contest Mom."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy: "Did you see her fat extra chin?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I blame Scott.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peace & Love ;-)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">p.s. I did give the kids a spiel about judging folks based on what they do or say and not what they look like yada yada yada. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-4913903566272710642012-09-06T08:39:00.001-07:002012-09-06T08:39:51.201-07:00My Open Door Policy Reconsidered<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday in the car with both kids.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Girl (age 11): "I walked in on The Boy in the bathroom sitting on the toilet the other day. Gross."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Boy (age 6): "You shouldn't come in there when I'm going potty!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Girl: "The light was off and the door was open! How was I supposed to know you were in there? When I use the bathroom the light is on, the fan is on, the door is closed and the door is locked."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "How come you guys walk in and talk to me when I'm going potty?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Girl & The Boy in unison: "You always leave the door open!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Even if I close the door you still think you can waltz in and talk to me."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Girl: "It doesn't count if you close your main bathroom door, but not the one to the little toilet room. I think you are just doing your hair or something in the big part of the bathroom so I open the door."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Boy: "Sometimes I come looking for you and I see you on the potty going pee or poop with the door open."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Okay, I don't always close the door when I pee, but I definitely close it when I poop. You guys never walk in on Dad going potty."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Girl: "He closes the door!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Boy: "He would be mad."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "I'm going to start closing the door and locking it. Every. Time."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Several Hours later just the Girl and I are home. I go to pee and nudge the door closed, but don't actually push it closed to latch or lock it resulting in it being slightly open.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Girl (from around the corner and 2 rooms away): "See, you don't close the door."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Touche.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-12076903384748646502012-07-20T16:49:00.000-07:002012-07-20T16:49:21.881-07:00I should be scrubbing toilets.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Something very strange is going on with me. I'm leaving for vacation soon and I'm not stressing out about cleaning the house. If you find this confusing click <a href="http://liltirade.blogspot.com/2011/11/all-aboard.html">here</a> and all will be explained. I should be dusting, vacuuming and scrubbing, but I'm just not feeling it. I feel I should be feeling it, but I'm not. Trying to get in the spirit of my usual pre-vacation neurosis, I did clean my bathroom yesterday and while I like that it's clean, I do not feel compelled to press on.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is worrisome. Seriously, what is wrong with me? Am I depressed? I don't think so. Here's what I know:</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm pretty darn excited about the vacation with Scott to include sand, sea, beer & tequila sans children. Yay!</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My sleep patterns seem the same. They are as jacked up as they ever were and I'm tired like I've been for the last 12 years.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm exercising and getting high from it. I get paid to do it, so I'm really not sure if would be motivated to go right now otherwise. I don't ask myself that. I just do it. </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been doing an excellent job shoving food in my face lately, but I go through cycles. Eat, drink, be merry and gain 5, followed by get strict with myself and lose the 5. I blame my daughter who has decided to be a baker this summer. It would be very rude of me not to eat all the yummy stuff she's been filling the kitchen with. (Um, yeah, there's probably some kind of eating issue in there. It's no secret I have a sugar addiction. Let's just gloss over that for now. Okay? Great.)</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm still feeling the happy moments and getting fired up when appropriate or sometimes when it's not.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yep, I seem pretty much the same minus the clean house neurosis. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have noticed I've been going a little longer over the last few months between serious house cleanings. Perhaps, subconsciously, I've been lowering the family's expectations so that in a few weeks when, for the first time in 11 years and 9 months, I have all my offspring in school from 8-2, they aren't wondering what in the hell I'm doing all day? The cleaner house will be a sign that finally I have time to get shit done.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's the problem with that, if indeed that 's what I've been doing, I don't think I'm going to feel like cleaning the house then either. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Maybe I've just matured and have gained an understanding that in the grand scheme of things an uber clean house is overrated? That can't be right. There must be something wrong with me and there must be a drug for it. I better watch some TV and wait for one of the drug companies to inform me what I should ask my doctor about. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peace & Love :-)</span></div>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-41069431983057388152012-06-20T14:47:00.000-07:002012-06-20T14:47:10.529-07:00Randomettes... Ummm...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Think, think, think...</span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I fear I've lost the will to rant.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I thought I'd have something to go on about after tent camping for 3 nights, but not really.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I didn't love sleeping in a tent on an air mattress or that the bathrooms were so far away, particularly in the middle of the night. Not that I walked to the bathrooms in the middle of the night, but my ass got rather cold while I was squatting in the bushes down wind from the tents. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I also didn't love that the boy had a middle of the night, hour long, pain induced, freak out that damn near sent us searching for an ER at 2 a.m. (he's fine, we think it was gas. horrible, painful gas), but that wasn't because we were camping. That would have sucked at home too. Also the girl had a meltdown, mainly due to too much fun and lack of sleep (this we can blame on the group <strike>party</strike> camping), but all was well after a nap. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Otherwise, the whole thing was pretty good. Fun even. The food was fantastic, thanks to Double D Moma and her mad menu planning, food & drink purchasing, and cooking skills. The company was fabulous. The setting was beautiful. The kids had fun. Scott had fun. I had fun. The dog seemed to like it and only wandered away from camp to be brought back by a ranger once. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">--------</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After many, many games off having my ass handed to me, I finally beat Blondie in a game of Scramble. So the score is somewhere around: Lil Tirade- 1, Blondie- 93. It's a very small victory and I will cling to it. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">--------</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've been teaching the kids to do their own laundry. The boy is into it. He's 6 and loves to help around the house and do things on his own. Today he said, "I'm doing my laundry Mom". And he did. All by himself. Hamper-washer-dryer-dresser. The girl, age 11, is totally capable of mastering this task, but is way less enthusiastic. I told her that she is lucky because she got 5 more years of laundry service than her brother. The eye rolling and sighing leads me to believe she does not concur.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-)</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-33162092567531897302012-06-10T17:44:00.001-07:002012-06-10T17:44:41.489-07:00It's Frickin On Like Donkey Kong!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or in this case Scramble. Scramble is my newest app obsession. It's like Bogle with 3 timed rounds per game. It's super fun and addicting to a word game lover like myself, but it is PISSING ME OFF. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The game isn't pissing me off so much as my friend, Blondie, is pissing me off. She keeps kicking my ass. It is so rude! I have beaten her in a couple, only a couple, of rounds and come sort of close in one game, but I keep losing. BAH!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Blondie is one of my favorite Scrabble opponents. Sometimes I kick her ass. Sometimes she kicks my ass. She doesn't dally too long between turns. We sometimes exchange witty banter while playing. It's a terrific match. Except for when her app was being an asshole and she deleted it for months and forced me to play Words With Friends with her which is okay, but not as good as Scrabble. I'm totally over that though. She saw the light and returned to Scrabble. We are a good match.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am consumed with beating her in Scramble. I've even started spending an extra coin to gain an extra cheat during the game. You have to use a coin to play a round, which is stupid but it is meant to drive you to upgrading from the free version so you can earn coins faster and then buy more coins in app, because you are totally crazed and obsessed and need to play more rounds right now. You get a new coin every 20 minutes or something like that. I haven't given in to the upgrade or more coin purchases yet, so take that Scramble. You get a free cheat at the beginning of each round with an option to buy a second cheat for a coin. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's a bit confusing if you aren't playing it, but the point is when I first started I was like "yeah, I'll pick a free cheat, why not? but no need to buy a second, that's overkill" and now I'm spending way too much time strategizing about which 2 cheats make the best combination. I can't disclose my strategy here though. I don't want Blondie to know my tricks. My tricks that fail to beat her. Bah!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is another opponent I have not yet beaten. I'm pretty sure I know who it is, but I'm not 100%. I think it's one of my other smarty pants friends that I gave my user name to, but I'm not familiar with her user name, so I could just be getting my ass handed to me by some random. Friend or foe, I'm making it my mission to kick her ass too.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I would like to state here that I have beaten at least 4 other opponents in a big ass kicking kind of way. Just sayin.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you want to play, my user name is.... liltirade. Apparently I need all the practice I can get.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peace & Love ;-)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">p.s. When I first started playing I had tunnel vision on the board and didn't notice the prominently displayed pause button at the upper right of the screen and would totally yell at my kids if they dared to talk to me during a round. After all, I did announce loudly not to talk to Mommy for the next 2 minutes because "I'm trying to beat Blondie!" Blondie told me about the pause button and the next time the girl walked by and looked at the screen while I was playing she said "that pause button is soooo obvious, how could you miss it?" I am getting it from all sides on this one.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-76115462627580168592012-05-23T11:44:00.000-07:002012-05-23T11:44:22.706-07:00Randomettes: Puking, Moths & A Drop Off Lane Miracle<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I missed the girl's spring band concert last night, because I was home puking from food poisoning. Lovely. I missed last year's spring band concert, because I was tagging along with Scott on a business thing. I believe we were at a private Journey Concert that night. This year's excuse for not going was less guilt inducing, but also way less fun.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-----------------------------</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This morning I rounded the corner into the drop off lane at school and witnessed a miracle. Everyone was doing it right. No one was parked by the kinder rooms waiting for the doors to open, no one had left a parked car in the hug & go lane to walk their kid to class. All the cars were pulling up as far as they could, dropping off students and then driving away in the correct lane. It was really, really weird. It felt like there was a rift in the space time continuum. Weird I tell you. There was another 20 minutes before the upper grades had their final bell so I'm sure someone <a href="http://liltirade.blogspot.com/p/body-count.html">fucked the whole thing up</a> before school started though.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-----------------------------</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The <a href="http://liltirade.blogspot.com/p/body-count.html">moths</a> are back. They can hibernate in the pupae state apparently. This has been going on for a couple weeks and I just couldn't summon the strength to discuss it here. The pantry has been searched again and nothing has larvae in it and I can't find any pupae. The pupae can be in tiny cracks in the shelves or in areas outside the pantry. The pheromone trap has gotten a handful of moths and we have killed a half dozen or so. One moth was even trapped in a Ziploc after emerging from it's pupae in said Ziploc full of tea bags. Scott and I searched every tea bag and couldn't find the pupae. We threw the whole bag out of course. Sigh. That bag had been in the pantry since the original moth war lending credence to the hibernation theory and demonstrating the worthiness of all my cleaning, bagging and food containering. So there's that.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">------------------------------</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I survived the girl's 5th grade camping field trip. This should be applauded for at least 2 reasons. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. I AM NOT A CAMPER.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. 3 days & 2 nights with 70 5th graders. I really shouldn't have to explain why you should be clapping for this.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">---------------------------------</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The girl has to bring a 'sweet treat' to a school party tomorrow and I wanted to pick up something sweet to bring to my GNO tomorrow night where we will be having 'Booze & Snacks'. I'm over the puking and while I'm sort of hungry, I'm also sort of leery of any food and nothing really sounds good. This made it really hard to be decisive on picking treats. I did a lot of wandering and staring and then this happened:</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjojQD9K_WWMWOKvb8s2UXU0MhBPZYUeoeiiKusU8HujGRs7AaLh2qz855V4gPgLMDf1E-ASDJhCcHjTUFsYkhyUwn6UEEPYUvd2eKOF7riuG-aJz14cC1Vze_O_apUIxpEzc8MzzT5sfE/s1600/photo-31.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjojQD9K_WWMWOKvb8s2UXU0MhBPZYUeoeiiKusU8HujGRs7AaLh2qz855V4gPgLMDf1E-ASDJhCcHjTUFsYkhyUwn6UEEPYUvd2eKOF7riuG-aJz14cC1Vze_O_apUIxpEzc8MzzT5sfE/s320/photo-31.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My kids are gonna be thrilled. My thighs will not.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peace & Love ;-)</span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-13016885500958855652012-05-14T15:09:00.000-07:002012-05-14T15:09:02.368-07:00Check Out My Ass!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I almost titled this post "Happy Mother's Day to Me" or something like that, because it is sort of about my Mother's Day, but in the end it's really about my ass.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have to admit I was a little bent that Scott didn't plan anything or get me a gift for Mother's Day. Instead he said we could do whatever I wanted. I really just wanted a nice day with my family. No extravagant gifts necessary, though I did feel like a bit of thought on his part would have been awesome. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After the kids gave me their sweet cards and Scott gave me the gift of free choice, I was a little salty (only to Scott, not to my precious offspring). </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Also, I might not have been feeling super after the 2 "Bob Drinks" I had the night before, which involve so much vodka it's really like 4 or more regular drinks (Bob is not my friend's real name, obviously, as everything here is anonymous- <a href="http://liltirade.blogspot.com/2012/04/conversations-with-scott-ill-ban-it.html">that is if you don't know me</a>) and I did have to get ready to teach </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">my regular Sunday morning x-bike classes. (Note to self: don't go to Bob's house the night before teaching x-bike. duh!)</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyhow, somehow I survived the x-biking, started feeling a bit better and decided I wanted a pedicure, Pinkberry and not to be in charge of dinner. I took the girl with me for the pedicures and when we went for Pinkberry my 6 y/o brought his wallet and paid for my yogurt. The Pinkberry people thought it was so adorable and they were right!</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Near Pinkberry are several new clothing boutiques that Scott encouraged me to wander in and "pick out something pretty" because he's from the 1960s apparently. So I did. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It felt a bit odd shopping somewhere other than Target, Old Navy or Marshall's, but I did find jeans that I love. They are Miss Me brand which allegedly is a good thing and they are cigarette length which the sales lady claims are "very in" right now. I did stand looking in the mirror at the length somewhat confused for awhile and let the lady talk and talk to convince me of how "now" this style is. She offered me heels to try on which made me laugh as I don't so much wear heels with jeans, I mean maybe a wedge, but heels? </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I bought the pants because my whole family said I should get them, Scott did not even give me stink eye over the price and if I do say so myself... my ass looks great in them. Check it out:</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMhfDTDqDedBYqLUXJvk2XpBO4UbYTI_EiEaCKcT4FPEjozZrItwpAsou1GKC0bBP0EMv0cbhSyjZPBh8wQ2jLMucY6iOwWfHR2ZfW0ffSkI6tKygvN-0WsTkXEqI1meV4JB0qK0e_WHs/s1600/singleshot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMhfDTDqDedBYqLUXJvk2XpBO4UbYTI_EiEaCKcT4FPEjozZrItwpAsou1GKC0bBP0EMv0cbhSyjZPBh8wQ2jLMucY6iOwWfHR2ZfW0ffSkI6tKygvN-0WsTkXEqI1meV4JB0qK0e_WHs/s320/singleshot.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lucky for Scott, the day was a win. I probably should have shopped longer and harder, but I really wanted to go home and take a nap. Damn you Bob!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-)</span><br />
<br />Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-38157808184060722742012-05-02T11:47:00.000-07:002012-05-02T11:47:11.011-07:00Shower Thoughts... Kenny Rogers is so wise<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This morning in the shower I was thinking about Kenny Rogers. No, not like that. Eww. Gross. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was thinking about this thing that I'm involved with and whether or not I should continue to be involved in said thing. I was weighing the enjoyment I get from it vs. the amount of time I spend wanting to bang my head against the wall, when the chorus of The Gambler sung by Kenny Rogers popped into my head:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Know when to walk away, and know when to run."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was then that I fully realized that Kenny wasn't just singing about poker. Those lyrics are a metaphor for life people. One can apply this advice to relationships, jobs, volunteering, shopping, eating, blogging, eyebrow tweezing, zit popping, etc. I can't think of something it wouldn't work for. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think I just found my next tattoo. Wait. That might not actually be good a idea. It's a lot of words and would take a long time causing much pain and costing much money and where would I put it really? I guess on my back, but then when I'm really old and wrinkly it could be difficult to read. Yeah, never mind.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Still, very sage advice.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was so impressed by Kenny's words of wisdom that I googled the lyrics and found out not only are there a lot of profound lyrics in that song:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"'Cause ev'ry hand's a winner and ev'ry hand's a loser,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I also found out Kenny is just the messenger. Four other obviously super deep people are the writers. F</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">or complete lyrics and a list of who actually wrote The Gambler go </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.lyricsfreak.com/k/kenny+rogers/the+gambler_20077886.html">here</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. Be warned a pop up will appear asking you if you'd like to download The Gambler ringtone. I said "no thanks", but it's okay if you want to buy it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As for the thing... For the moment I'm going to hold 'em, but I'll be watching the other people's eyes to see what cards they're holding and hope I know when to fold 'em. And also when to run like hell. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-)</span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-24369879579692950712012-04-25T12:09:00.000-07:002012-04-25T12:09:51.061-07:00The Return of the Wine Fairy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last night my Wine Fairy painting was returned to it's place of honor in my kitchen. My uber talented friend, Sharpie Fine Girl, created this piece for me to mark the occasion of my 40th birthday back in December. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgztytBJPKI77ChHlu0_JTSby5uAMKBmXFL0dk-J47w3gyOH_GV4SxWXLO0gCKy0BVKB9wcad-1bKyJ58VciCED5wXw_J2-PGydsuGEvyygnJEb1n-9pv-GKepcgEHQu-JDG7xcc7Dk7TM/s1600/1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgztytBJPKI77ChHlu0_JTSby5uAMKBmXFL0dk-J47w3gyOH_GV4SxWXLO0gCKy0BVKB9wcad-1bKyJ58VciCED5wXw_J2-PGydsuGEvyygnJEb1n-9pv-GKepcgEHQu-JDG7xcc7Dk7TM/s1600/1.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Wine Fairy</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I initially brought The Wine Fairy home I carried her all over the house debating on the perfect spot for her finally determining the kitchen, where she could watch over my wine choices, was it.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She didn't grace the kitchen wall for too long before SFG wanted her back. How rude! SFG had been invited to show her artwork, but was mostly sold out of her paintings and needed to borrow back some pieces for the show. Pretty great problem to have I think. Because I am an awesome, supportive friend I acquiesced. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Off went my Wine Fairy to be viewed by the masses leaving an empty spot on the wall that even Scott noticed. I hope nobody touched her! The show has been over for a couple months-ish, but it took SFG a while to get her back to me. Allegedly she "forgot" The Wine Fairy last month when I saw her, but perhaps there's more to the story.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I got her back last night and delivered her safely to my kitchen where she can watch over and protect me. Except for when I take her to the store where she will guide me in choosing excellent, low priced, delectable wine. Yes, she is that powerful and no, you may not borrow her. Maybe SFG knows her powers and that's why it took so long to get her back? Maybe SFG made a copy of my Wine Fairy and kept the original for herself? Wait... SFG is a beer girl so that doesn't even make sense. Whew. Close one!</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-)</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-16639285412319248462012-04-14T14:00:00.001-07:002012-04-14T14:00:08.537-07:00Conversations with Scott... I'll ban it!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "What?"</span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Nothing. I don't think you'll like what I have to say so I'm not going to say anything."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "Great."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "And I probably won't blog about it."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "You can only blog about me if I say so."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Uh-huh."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "I'll ban you from blogging about me."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "I don't think so."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "It's not anonymous."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "It's anonymous-ish."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "Everyone that knows both of us knows that it's about us. Only people that don't know us, don't know that it's us. That's fucking fantastic."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Touche Scott.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-)</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-89039994544126661222012-04-10T18:48:00.000-07:002012-04-11T11:49:09.841-07:00I'm Going Back to 1976 to Get a Good Night's Sleep.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*SCROLL DOWN TO THE END OF THE POST FOR AN UPDATE</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This morning. 2:30 a.m.: </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy, age 6, showed up on my side of the bed which he does every time he needs to pee in the middle of the night rather than heading straight for the toilet. Always my side. Never Scott's side. Always my side. Always.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Go potty."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy: (runs off to use the potty, turns on the bathroom light, closes the door loudly, slams up the toilet seat, pees, flushes, slams down the toilet seat, washes hands, opens door, turns off light and returns to the bedside) "Please tuck me back in."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "hmmff" (haul self out of the warm bed, down the hall & up the loft bed ladder)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy: "It's 2:30. I have 4 more hours to sleep. I can do that." (He then rolls over and is asleep... like instantly)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: (down the ladder, down the hall, to the bathroom -obviously since I'm already up-, back to bed & wide awake) "WTF?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't think it took me too long to go back to sleep, but it wasn't roll over and be out. I tried that and I was awake long enough to know it didn't work. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've decided I need to invent a pill, a method, a something that gives adults 'kid sleep'. So many times Scott and I have discussed just how much we'd pay to have one night of kid sleep. I think we have upped the ante to somewhere around 3 gazillion dollars. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've never taken Ambien or the like and I'm not lining up to do it, because I would certainly eat random things in the night or drive over to ARCO and pump gas in just my underwear or something else dangerous and/or embarrassing and/or fattening. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm down with having wine, or whatever your pleasure is, to ease you towards slumber, but in my experience it doesn't produce 10 hours of solid sleep or allow for easily going back to sleep at 3 a.m. It has been suggested that maybe I'm just not drinking enough of it, but I don't really want to feel like I've been run over by a bus every morning so I've decided against chugging copious amounts of wine as a sleep aid. I have considered, but not actually tried, keeping a glass bedside for middle of the night sleep inducement. That seems like borderline alcoholic behavior though.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Narcotics without an IV of Compazine make me hurl so no.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Michael Jackson drug, propho-something-or-other, seems like an extremely bad idea and I don't actually know Nurse Jackie so I doubt I could get my hands on any.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My invention will be all natural, organic, be legal everywhere without a special card, will have no side effects and will allow you to sleep long and hard without worry like my children do. Like I did when I was a kid and would fall asleep draped over the top of the couch and have no memory of being moved to my bed. Like I was even able to do when I came home from college, but never ever able to do in my dorm, apartments, or houses. The sleep that comes with the deep rooted sense of security that someone else is in charge, you will be taken care of and not even the smallest part of you needs to be on alert. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMkW_q2przwXU7nHfUvpGRPT6JEJnQNJsG4PSwAZBiGiNqlxHRgZHltcgVX9pvm_trSRW8DfHAzMWsK0NZRFiZvn039du3AE-q6iKsTfNp68e34ybMqjDVuY588KciijEfX_KtEe4FHxc/s1600/Scan+32.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMkW_q2przwXU7nHfUvpGRPT6JEJnQNJsG4PSwAZBiGiNqlxHRgZHltcgVX9pvm_trSRW8DfHAzMWsK0NZRFiZvn039du3AE-q6iKsTfNp68e34ybMqjDVuY588KciijEfX_KtEe4FHxc/s320/Scan+32.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's the sleep I crave.<br />Me circa age 5.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHF3EVyMyG_9jbxolfjYL20WYDOG2rWCVvIKGOpnFWOC-mv_nX3Iudg3UktQi5Q73qN0JujJfdh9TCB_d4wlxD936yHC5xjHnt_JKg340NLDbR7C2-SSlSYX4eNC6vfUYk-fXarP3nyuM/s1600/Scan+33.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHF3EVyMyG_9jbxolfjYL20WYDOG2rWCVvIKGOpnFWOC-mv_nX3Iudg3UktQi5Q73qN0JujJfdh9TCB_d4wlxD936yHC5xjHnt_JKg340NLDbR7C2-SSlSYX4eNC6vfUYk-fXarP3nyuM/s320/Scan+33.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Another solid example of fabulous kid sleep.<br />Also circa age 5.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm starting to think a pill is the wrong direction to go. A time machine seems like the better choice here. That's clearly the easier path to take. I'm going to get right on it. Just think when I am rich and famous you can say you knew me when.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-).</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*UPDATE: </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This morning at 3:33 a.m. I got a text from my mother:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mom: "Read blog at 3:23. 2 thumbs up on pics."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My phone lives on my night stand right next to my head during the night as I don't have a land line and if anyone needs to call me in an emergency situation that is the only way to contact me. When my text noise went off at 3:30, I sat straight up thinking my alarm was going off and did I forget I was teaching at 6:00. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "Does she think you are always awake at 3:30?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "I think she thinks my sound is off or the phone is downstairs or maybe she thinks I started that wine sipping thing and am passed out and won't hear it."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So today I text back:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Thx. BTW, your 3:30 a.m. text woke me up. 2 thumbs down."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mom: "Noooo. Why is your sound not off at night?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And there you have it. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now if I could just get Alanis' "Isn't ironic" out of my head...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-56408536669753002672012-04-06T20:42:00.002-07:002012-04-06T20:42:57.710-07:00Ta Da!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The kids and I made our annual Easter Bunny Cake today. My mom started making the bunny cake with me in 1977 when I was 5. We change up the the candy and colors each year, but the basic bunny remains the same.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLZAAkwuIVbPqK6wljc-9guk1KAIUy6NyAdoAVaWVwbLb85KH8_faB3lqGIGEY8SoR0-HUVck8-Kqn8EJSEd5LsezPTDJnnrCyW1xrzJfAm5doCIH95Nezxg2QIOSdLv178ejGPRBLWUE/s1600/photo-28.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLZAAkwuIVbPqK6wljc-9guk1KAIUy6NyAdoAVaWVwbLb85KH8_faB3lqGIGEY8SoR0-HUVck8-Kqn8EJSEd5LsezPTDJnnrCyW1xrzJfAm5doCIH95Nezxg2QIOSdLv178ejGPRBLWUE/s320/photo-28.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This year's cake.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVmKbyr28pBbWDuOGZsQgMCNp0z7RojrvvmsWHf-5Ud4o-6IT6200LHuA2Bg8HkwhkDZSo2NJerau5LNCJZeVLsY4ZBwpvBHSKxup5XW_Y0qi5OZJEwkBqpn0_tcDH39IQ_Vb_13yRXI8/s1600/photo-27.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVmKbyr28pBbWDuOGZsQgMCNp0z7RojrvvmsWHf-5Ud4o-6IT6200LHuA2Bg8HkwhkDZSo2NJerau5LNCJZeVLsY4ZBwpvBHSKxup5XW_Y0qi5OZJEwkBqpn0_tcDH39IQ_Vb_13yRXI8/s320/photo-27.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy's plan for the cake which we took to the store instead of a written list and referenced while decorating.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This cake gives you big bang for your buck. It's relatively easy and always impresses. All you need is a cake mix, 2 tubs of frosting and candy.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdJaeQUdcyYKBHzUvXQmRpl6xuLx_6HlnjLoF9TjYcEPSyGtsTJYvpP05QKr-C_TbC46pupK_fKi_oHJlyDOzNT3h4UGnjP66mEUWPX9nC3-Mq73fAdP0lT8eaefmbsiRmuvkhCRVLAIE/s1600/photo-24.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdJaeQUdcyYKBHzUvXQmRpl6xuLx_6HlnjLoF9TjYcEPSyGtsTJYvpP05QKr-C_TbC46pupK_fKi_oHJlyDOzNT3h4UGnjP66mEUWPX9nC3-Mq73fAdP0lT8eaefmbsiRmuvkhCRVLAIE/s320/photo-24.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Pour batter into 2 8" rounds and bake.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidN575gTrE8YNgPpZb1Id9Ddjsxl_oBrjsak4A4bHypsg12TAUmWNJJUStd_62f78i46FAGadLRCFPiOL2fkii7T-VYicYnWxZtzfwe79db9yjYfPnXzLffVVNlnKv_ppmElHOoC9Iu1M/s1600/photo-25.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidN575gTrE8YNgPpZb1Id9Ddjsxl_oBrjsak4A4bHypsg12TAUmWNJJUStd_62f78i46FAGadLRCFPiOL2fkii7T-VYicYnWxZtzfwe79db9yjYfPnXzLffVVNlnKv_ppmElHOoC9Iu1M/s320/photo-25.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After cooling leave 1 round intact and cut the other round like this to get the ears and bow tie.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL8jQKdT2Ncof63-Azs3l1e7I-pve_5efoixcl-LYkchfKpFkOGyk_ylXTFRuKL5kEFq5SY_GCalQqc4Sy7wfbOo6w3DQIMeArddiNxQJoMYXPgmCZ2BvpjpxMMnd8Jx2rpPtCxOO7SY0/s1600/photo-26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL8jQKdT2Ncof63-Azs3l1e7I-pve_5efoixcl-LYkchfKpFkOGyk_ylXTFRuKL5kEFq5SY_GCalQqc4Sy7wfbOo6w3DQIMeArddiNxQJoMYXPgmCZ2BvpjpxMMnd8Jx2rpPtCxOO7SY0/s320/photo-26.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Arrange on tray and trim bow tie and ear pieces as needed.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then you frost, decorate and viola... bunny cake. Most years we make a white cake, because I feel it's the easiest to frost prettily, but this year the kids super duper wanted a red velvet cake so we went for it. For the first time ever I did a crumb layer of frosting and then refrigerated the cake for a bit. I had to google "refrigerating cake and frosting" to figure out what to do. I had a vague notion of cake/frosting/refrigeration, but no real plan. Turns out the crumb layer (which just means do a thin first layer of frosting to seal down the crumbs and then refrigerate for 10+ minutes) was genius and the white bunny with red innards is a success. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are bringing the bunny cake to a party tomorrow. Usually when people comment on the bunny cake I explain how easy it is to make. My daughter has suggested that tomorrow I be prepared to say how difficult and laborious the process was so that I get extra props. So, if by chance you have both read this and are attending the same party tomorrow, nod and smile when I lie to your face.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-)</span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">p.s. b</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">unny cakes from the past.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzz-hhQp7PXMjNw0fFl-uEgKdDUZe0el0zmITWgCFjo5NVJK_PEh4BiqcK-ofH7C2BsUjtQbDPnBkxibcTIvRV3T3yW3dmlg_ojJlczIQRYjm0qoGUmNKIvYqdcJqDBW9iGzhKepSvsK0/s1600/IMG_0472.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzz-hhQp7PXMjNw0fFl-uEgKdDUZe0el0zmITWgCFjo5NVJK_PEh4BiqcK-ofH7C2BsUjtQbDPnBkxibcTIvRV3T3yW3dmlg_ojJlczIQRYjm0qoGUmNKIvYqdcJqDBW9iGzhKepSvsK0/s200/IMG_0472.JPG" width="196" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ3Ag2YHgkNCMqZSzYm9VprYKD3-xiOcw1oQQPKRE5IziZ_4zXMphHjJL1dE-Sob7TXqeOR3jj9ZUphMGKVVfztChlk-Gbhbz6swfq9sk94Rr6t6fdGmM3ZNO80zSr5samEC0zHZSefJI/s1600/IMG_1482.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ3Ag2YHgkNCMqZSzYm9VprYKD3-xiOcw1oQQPKRE5IziZ_4zXMphHjJL1dE-Sob7TXqeOR3jj9ZUphMGKVVfztChlk-Gbhbz6swfq9sk94Rr6t6fdGmM3ZNO80zSr5samEC0zHZSefJI/s200/IMG_1482.JPG" width="160" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8nTBZ3J_UPH0apcNHR2waTGcl6JrUfDc4b1syeHA65TlL2qe55PlrQ3evYmoL5E_nxGvXlFQU_xTOk7TdS6YKOOQjaCI7-1T4HuFPpUjH2zpVBvTVtUvUYF_m7J1zZpfHf5Aim2Im1xU/s1600/DSC02771.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8nTBZ3J_UPH0apcNHR2waTGcl6JrUfDc4b1syeHA65TlL2qe55PlrQ3evYmoL5E_nxGvXlFQU_xTOk7TdS6YKOOQjaCI7-1T4HuFPpUjH2zpVBvTVtUvUYF_m7J1zZpfHf5Aim2Im1xU/s200/DSC02771.JPG" width="150" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-18775732778673691682012-04-06T09:10:00.000-07:002012-04-06T09:10:42.607-07:00Would you care for some cereal with that sugar?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday I had a serious lapse in judgement and knowingly purchased all of these cereals at once for the express purpose of my children's consumption:</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjplNS4T1EwuZI0iNiVQPpG1wdp4eXyAKHCBlVwbYBgpOVNQF3NbVWxUym-a8R2T9zPTGi8WNtwHNXmAdWv7xeG7LMbrHZVPdmV7jKchwBa94k1Js7AqfN2yqQg-5wpn9ZUJm59cdSFMUg/s1600/photo-23.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjplNS4T1EwuZI0iNiVQPpG1wdp4eXyAKHCBlVwbYBgpOVNQF3NbVWxUym-a8R2T9zPTGi8WNtwHNXmAdWv7xeG7LMbrHZVPdmV7jKchwBa94k1Js7AqfN2yqQg-5wpn9ZUJm59cdSFMUg/s320/photo-23.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Honey Comb (10g Sugar)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Honey Kix (6g Sugar)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fruit Loops (12g Sugar)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cinnamon Toast Crunch (10g)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't know what made me so amenable. Maybe it was that we had just picked out everything for our annual bunny cake based on the boy's drawing of how we should decorate it this year. Maybe it was the funny memory of my baby brother, who turned 29 yesterday, being scared of the Easter Bunny. We had to leave notes asking the bunny to please leave the Easter baskets on the porch. Maybe I was just in a good mood from the shining sun. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whatever it was, my children were thrilled and while I was hoping I wouldn't see anyone I knew during checkout I was kind of liking being the fun cereal mom for once. Usually I am the mean cereal mom. There was that one summer at the cabin when I said yes to a box of Fruit Loops. 1 box for the whole 2 weeks. Also, I did allow the boy to eat Cocoa Krispies and a chocolate glazed donut for breakfast every morning on our recent cruise. I am not without my fun breakfast moments, but at least 49 weeks of the year, not really so fun.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here is where I guess I should say that while I do not buy 100% organic nor only 100% whole grain, I do generally make healthy choices for my family. We always have fresh fruits and vegetables. I prepare mainly chicken and fish and the occasional lean meat. I never fry anything or add salt outside of a baking recipe. We do sometimes have chips around (usually, but not always baked ones) and 99% of the time there are some type of sweets to be enjoyed after meals. I like to buy my cookies at Trader Joe's, because even sweets are somehow magically healthier when they come from Trader Joe's. It's a fact. Now you know.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Before I even got out of bed this morning, the boy informed me he had eaten 2 bowls of some combo of the above cereal and his stomach hurt. My immediate reaction (with eyes still closed) was to announce that I was going to rectify my lapse in judgment by tossing out all that evil sugar cereal. Then I remembered that sometimes the boy claims his tummy hurts because he wants to watch TV. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What to do? Toss it all? Set limits at 1 bowl followed by yogurt or fruit if still hungry? Eat it all myself to save the children?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's what I did: I asked the Keurig to make me a cup of coffee. No decisions should be made before coffee. Then I googled the nutrition information for the cereals I usually purchase.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Honey Nut Cheerios (9g)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Trader Joe's Honey Nut O's (10g)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Frosted Mini Wheats (10g)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Trader Joe's Frosted Shredded Bite Size Wheats (11g)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Trader Joe's Maple Frosted Shredded Bite Size Wheats (12g)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cinnamon Life (8g)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The numbers are quite similar. The lowest amount of sugar is in yesterday's purchased Honey Kix. Very interesting...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Should I feel vindicated? Should I feel duped? Should I feel like an ignoramus? Should I expect the kids to eat plain Cheerios (1g) or Rice Krispies (4g) without adding sweetener? Should I tell them it's unsweetened steel cut oatmeal and fresh fruit or starve in the morning? Should I buy only Fruit Loops?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I DON'T KNOW! I haven't had my second cup of coffee and these questions are just too much for me...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-)</span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-50330680900719327202012-04-05T08:25:00.000-07:002012-04-05T08:25:34.282-07:00Wee Hours WTF?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Early this morning around 2 a.m. or so I was awake and attempting to do what I tell my kids: get comfortable, lay still and go to sleep. I was trying to clear my mind and avoid running through my to do list or obsessing over terrible accidents that could befall my loved ones. I'm not great at clearing my head and being zen. Here's some of the weird shit that was running through my head:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I really shouldn't have taken that afternoon nap, but I was sooo tired...</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(to the tune of Low) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">she hit the wall, she hit the wall, next thing you know, shawty got z, z, z, zzzs...</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(to the tune of Not Afraid) I'm not asleep, I'm not asleep, which really blows, which really blows... I can't go on living this way, So starting today, some bitch has to pay...</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The shower principle! I keep forgetting I want to write about that episode of 30 Rock where Liz was Jack's shower principle and how <a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5005788899866523437#editor/target=post;postID=5063237022277477290">I wrote about the shower principle</a> a while back, except I didn't call it the shower principle, but I was yammering about it before Tina Fey explored it on TV...</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This jibberish might be good for the blog. I should put it in my iphone notes... </span></li>
</ul>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
Then I hid under the covers and typed this <strike>bullshit</strike> entertainment gold into my notes on the iphone cuz I didn't want to disturb Scott with the light from the phone. I'm very considerate like that, but then it got really hot under there so I had to stop. I guess I went back to sleep then, because my notes end and I can't recall any further witty repertoire with myself. Obviously I should hide under the covers and take notes more often. My middle of the night neuroses is good stuff or at the very least passable material for a half ass blog entry. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That reminds me how much I loved it on Parks & Rec a few weeks ago when Ron Swanson said, "Never half ass two things, whole ass one." I can't tell you how many times I've said to my kids, "Don't do that half ass, do it full ass." Words of wisdom my friends. Words of wisdom.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peace & Love ;-)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-51681522714640460852012-03-30T13:14:00.000-07:002012-03-30T13:14:46.210-07:00Lil Tirade Gets A Facebook Page<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After a solid 5 minutes of consideration, I've decided lil tirade should have <strike>her own</strike> <strike>my own</strike> her own Facebook page. Even though I remain anonymous on this blog, I have been sharing my blog posts on my personal Facebook page. If you already know me from Facebook, then you've cracked the code of who lil tirade is, because I've told you it's me. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">However, now that I've set up a lil tirade page, I think I'll stop sharing the links as me. Just as lil tirade. So, if Facebook is how you know when I've written a new post then I suggest "liking" lil's page. In my imagination this will accomplish the following:</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">my fb friends will no longer be subjected to my blog posts should they not want to be.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">my many, many, many readers that are not my personal friends can now follow lil on fb.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can put a "follow me on fb" button thingy on the blog.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can spend more time on fb.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can be even more obnoxious as lil as I'm separating my stuff and her stuff, although that probably wouldn't stand up in court.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hope if you like the blog, you'll like <a href="https://www.facebook.com/LilTirade">lil's page on fb</a>. Even if you don't like the blog that much (which is confusing since you are reading it right now), maybe you could like lil's page and then hide it, cuz it would be awesome to have lots of likes.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-)</span></div>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-1528608575972344092012-03-22T08:38:00.000-07:002012-03-22T08:38:38.738-07:00Which part of "Hug & Go" do you not understand?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lady in the maroon Escalade who parked your ginormous gas guzzler at the ass end of the drop off lane by the Kindergarten rooms for a good 5 minutes whilst dicking around in your vehicle and not dropping off a Kindergartener and then finally pulling through to the front of the line past all the empty curb space you had been ignoring to drop off a 5th grader, I am talking to you!</span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Seriously! What. The. Fuck? </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Drop off/pick up at my kids' school is a nightmare. My kids make fun of me, because from the safety and comfort of my own car I spend every morning explaining to the other parents how to use the drop off lane effectively and efficiently. The other parents can't hear me of course, but even if they could it wouldn't matter, because people are asshats.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The school does a good job of trying to make things run smoothly. There are 2 lanes running the same direction through the parking lot. The one next to the curb is for stopping and dropping off the students. "Hug & Go" people. It's on all the signs! The other lane is for getting the hell outta there. After dropping your precious bundles off, you should pull into the outer lane and exit the parking lot. Simple, yes? Apparently not. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Principal and/or a teacher as well as students in bright orange vest are along the curb encouraging people to pull all the way through to keep the traffic flowing, yet people still stop at the back end to let out their Kinders jamming up the line into the street rather than pulling through to the farthest available curb space. It's an extra maybe 30 feet for the kid to walk back. If you are concerned that your kid might wander in the wrong direction and you need a visual of them walking in their classroom, might I suggest parking, getting your ass out of the car and walking them in. The best is when people park their car in the drop off lane and proceed to get out of their car with the kid to walk them to class. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It would be easier on the blood pressure to park on the street, get out and walk the kids in, but Kindergarten starts at 7:40 in the a.m. and I much prefer to roll through the drop off lane in my pajamas. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This morning, while I spent an eternity wedged between the nonmoving Caddy & some poor innocent parent behind me practically on my bumper just trying to get out of the street and into the drop off lane, I came oh so close to taking my sage advice out of my car and directly to the woman in the Escalade so clearly in need of my assistance. I considered laying on my horn and decided that would be pretty obnoxious and then I contemplated getting out of my car, knocking on her window and imparting my wisdom upon her. 2 things stopped me. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. I would be setting a terrible example leaving my car parked in the drop off lane during "hug & go" time.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. I was in my robe.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peace, love & deep breaths ;-)</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-91629874389645128042012-03-15T08:26:00.000-07:002012-03-15T08:26:36.996-07:00Wah!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Be prepared to be irked. Possibly quite pissed. Maybe even reach through the computer and bitch slap somebody angry.</span><br />
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am having the hardest time adjusting to real life after returning from the cruise. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwW1uK0gZxukYJubA6KxED4znuHFvJ5TvpNQuFLz7aYQqlgCwGpLiRAvin3dI28liYvxkzVS2GojpFRkqR9Bpb0Ceo7cKUhLDBOIumS4TbgM_FL27x_PO9swx0Qds7HZDmxJgYkIsJwio/s1600/IMG_3390.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwW1uK0gZxukYJubA6KxED4znuHFvJ5TvpNQuFLz7aYQqlgCwGpLiRAvin3dI28liYvxkzVS2GojpFRkqR9Bpb0Ceo7cKUhLDBOIumS4TbgM_FL27x_PO9swx0Qds7HZDmxJgYkIsJwio/s320/IMG_3390.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My breakfast view one week ago (Cabo)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know, I know, you wish you had such problems. You want to smack me. Well, you can't. Go ahead and call me names. It might help. I totally understand. I'll wait...</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't want you to worry about me though. I will be okay. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day soon I will snap out of it and stop: </span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Being surprised that no one has come to tidy my house after we've left in the morning. </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wondering where the towel animal and chocolates are and why my bed looks like it was never made instead of perfectly turned down.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Looking for the buffet.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Expecting a fabulous show before dinner.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Looking for Captain Jack Sparrow coming down the hallway.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Assuming I can sleep till whenever.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wondering where my dining room servers are and what they've done with the chef.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Trying to drop my kids at super fun kids' clubs 100 yards from the house.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thinking the biggest decisions of the day are what to drink, what time to start drinking, and what is the perfect pace for making it to all the desired activities.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm just going to have to accept that:</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm the only one who will tidy the house.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The only towels on the bed will be damp ones left there after morning showers. There will be no turn down service.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The only buffets in town are not the kind I'm looking for.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The pre-dinner show here is homework and sports practices.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's unlikely I can get Scott to don his Captain Jack outfit and wander around the house more than once a week.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It will be impossible to sleep in because I am back to mapping out the day and making lists in my head at 5 a.m.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Joseph & Arjay will not be handing me a menu and taking my order. They won't be sending the chef either.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've got to take the kids to school and then chauffeur them to activities.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What & when to drink are still on the list, but are so far down it I can't quite see them from the top of the list in the morning.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Le sigh....</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What's a sad, spoiled gal to do.... start researching and planning the next cruise of course. Silly people! More naming calling? Yep. I get it. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peace & Love ;-)</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-65335683331340087732012-03-03T11:29:00.001-08:002012-03-03T12:19:27.135-08:00Goodbye RealityScott and I are taking the children and a suitcase full of booze and going on a cruise. <br />
<br />
Goodbye laundry. <br />
<br />
Goodbye housekeeping. <br />
<br />
Goodbye cooking. <br />
<br />
Goodbye lacrosse, baton and tball practices. <br />
<br />
Goodbye Facebook. <br />
<br />
Goodbye Scrabble. <br />
<br />
Goodbye phone calls, texts & emails.<br />
<br />
Goodbye work. <br />
<br />
Goodbye meetings. <br />
<br />
Goodbye PTA & committees. <br />
<br />
Goodbye kids' taxi service. <br />
<br />
Goodbye blogging. <br />
<br />
And goodbye peeps. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEginQF_oj-CEYNatav4BnwBxTtaVfDz2TLXJ507J9m5bysOq83IOSugsHRySaFI89dUxynbvLdW-EODwQUoIAiKL9XwdsjJxsTKzNyuPeXoZjm3rBn1guamBbfFAnLtLP8mXblleQEQgPs/s640/blogger-image--1523295408.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEginQF_oj-CEYNatav4BnwBxTtaVfDz2TLXJ507J9m5bysOq83IOSugsHRySaFI89dUxynbvLdW-EODwQUoIAiKL9XwdsjJxsTKzNyuPeXoZjm3rBn1guamBbfFAnLtLP8mXblleQEQgPs/s640/blogger-image--1523295408.jpg" /></a></div>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-86104609195048332212012-02-20T15:38:00.000-08:002012-02-20T15:38:53.024-08:00I'm Not Worthy<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I must be doing something okay, because the accolades are rolling in. My fellow blogger </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://thebrightyellowballoon.blogspot.com/2012/02/shenkingwell-it-doesnt-hurt-like.html">Jo at the Bright Yellow Balloon</a> Shenked me the other day. Thank you Jo? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Shenking, which I'll explain in a minute, reminded me that back in November </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://deathbycupcakes01.blogspot.com/2011/11/looky-here-what-i-got.html">Dani at Facebooking From The Edge</a> bestowed on me the honor of Versatile Blogger. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-sxGmGmKM5AE_Iynj3JuaGmG4rQ4jJzupb9QA3KZQGm5sWuhdb18Ij92uDexC__AOEzjAh9lJ_pOjXzdOItN7yjUK-P6WkP8m45MtXlq3lGtCGC7syLa5p7FFO2T2dW9o7m6xrtAfWPU/s1600/versitile_blogger.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-sxGmGmKM5AE_Iynj3JuaGmG4rQ4jJzupb9QA3KZQGm5sWuhdb18Ij92uDexC__AOEzjAh9lJ_pOjXzdOItN7yjUK-P6WkP8m45MtXlq3lGtCGC7syLa5p7FFO2T2dW9o7m6xrtAfWPU/s1600/versitile_blogger.png" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I thanked her, but never passed on the honor as was explicitly stated in the rules of said award. How rude. I have some excuses.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. <strike>The end of October through mid January is really busy with birthdays and holidays</strike>. I'm lame.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. I turned 40 in December and my short term ain't what it used to be. True story.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. Scott, the girl and I all had the stomach flu last week. Was. Not. Pretty.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. I'm actually not very good at this whole blogger networking thing. I get really excited when someone comments on my blog and I will leave comments on other blogs when the mood strikes, but regular commenting both because it's a nice thing to do in the blogging community and because it might interest someone in checking out my blog is not my strength. Plus, I feel pressure to make my comment funny. I don't always having something funny to say. Shhh. Don't tell Scott. (I realize leaving a comment and passing on an award aren't the same thing, in my mind there's a connection)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5. I have an inferiority complex. Many of the blogs I enjoy and would give an award to (aka recommend) are way famouser bloggers than me and they would probably never know about the award. Not that they would be rude about it. I just don't think my blog is on their radar. I could be wrong. Maybe The Bloggess is a regular lurker here.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, back to the shenking. It's also a <strike>chain letter</strike> blogger to blogger recognition thing. It involves answering questions, giving random information about yourself (synonymous with blogging, no?), tagging, and creating questions or something like that. For Jo's clear as mud explanation check <a href="http://thebrightyellowballoon.blogspot.com/2012/02/shenkingwell-it-doesnt-hurt-like.html">here</a>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Since I'm so late in responding to Dani's award and since Jo says I can play along or not and because I'm a rebel without a clue, I'm going pick some of Jo's things to do and combine The Versatile Blogger awards with the tagging list. Confused? Me too.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><u>Things About Me</u> (If you would like to know 25 more random things about me than you already do check <a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5005788899866523437#editor/target=post;postID=1334615757423413983">here</a>. It's an old post, but the stuff is still true.)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><u>Jo's questions</u> (I'm answering 3 of the 11. I'm a rebel remember.)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">4. If your best friend's spouse ever made a pass at you, would you tell your best friend? </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Hell to the yeah!</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">6. What destination would be your ideal vacation? </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Caribbean. Caribbean. Caribbean. Although, I'm willing to give the South Pacific or Seychelles a try.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">7. If you could change one thing about yourself (no effort involved), what would it be? </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Boobs. I need perkier, bigger boobs.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><u>Blogs I Read</u> (If you are on this list feel free to consider yourself Shenked and/or awarded the honor of Versatile Blogger. Also feel free to completely ignore this.)</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://deathbycupcakes01.blogspot.com/2012/02/bringing-sexy-back.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+FacebookingFromTheEdge+%28facebooking+from+the+edge%29">Facebooking From The Edge</a> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://thebrightyellowballoon.blogspot.com/2012/02/shenkingwell-it-doesnt-hurt-like.html">The Bright Yellow Balloon</a> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://lolais40.com/?p=13314">Lola is 40</a> </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; line-height: 20px;"><a href="http://monica-adayinthelife.blogspot.com/2012/02/im-kind-of-big-deal-and-i-am-serious.html">A Day in the Life</a> </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; line-height: 20px;"><a href="http://www.absolutelynarcissism.co/2012/02/i-cant-poo.html">Absoulutely Narcissism</a> </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><a href="http://www.poppyhaus.com/">Poppy Haus</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"> </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://blogs.babble.com/babble-voices/samantha-bee-allana-harkin-eating-over-the-sink/2012/02/17/survival-of-the-northern-momma/">Eating Over the Sink</a></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://thebloggess.com/2012/02/weasel-algebra/">The Bloggess</a></span><br />
<br />
<div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://fictionlimbo.blogspot.com/">Fiction Limbo</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"><a href="http://www.thebeardediris.com/2012/02/16/how-to-be-awesome-i-guess/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheBeardedIris+%28The+Bearded+Iris%29">The Bearded Iris</a></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-) </span></div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_1413128882"></span><span id="goog_1413128883"></span></span></span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-29494674327551508122012-02-18T05:35:00.000-08:002012-02-18T05:35:37.310-08:004 Phone Calls & A Sporting Goods Store<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1st Phone Call:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Tball and lacrosse practices start next week. The boy needs pants, socks, a belt and a cup for tball and the girl needs cleats for lacrosse. I have time to take them this afternoon or it can wait for over the weekend if you want to do it." </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "If you have time, go ahead and take them." (no doubt with a smug smile on his face)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Arrive at sports store.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Head to the display o' cups.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been told by my mom pals to get the underwear with the cup insert for the 6 year old rather than the leg strap one so that much I know. We start looking at choices and a brave young employee approaches and asks if he can help. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"We are shopping for our first cup!" I announce. "Well not me, him" (pointing to the boy). The worker dude helps me figure which are the underwear kind and which size will likely be best (from the sizing chart of course, no junk measuring required). </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I open the package to check out the whole situation and the boy freaks out. "I don't wear that kind of underwear!" he screams (he wears boxer briefs, not briefs, never briefs!)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "I think you'll like it better than this other strap thing. You have to wear a cup for tball. Don't you want to play tball?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy: "I don't wear that kind of underwear!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thank the tball gods, upon further inspection of the cup kiosk there was in fact boxer style cup underwear. Mutual meltdown averted. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We find the socks and the belt. We find 3 pant choices and spend way too long in the dressing room evaluating the tightness in the waist and bagginess in the ass ratio. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy: "I need a helmet."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "I thought Daddy said they had helmets for you to use."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy: "The coaches recommend you have your own helmet."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Okay. Let's look and I'll call Dad."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2nd Phone Call part 1: </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: Voicemail.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: Hang up without message.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy tries on helmets and I go from thinking a personal helmet is ridiculous to wondering how gross the shared helmets are to thinking about lice to deciding to buy the boy a helmet in about 20 seconds. The boy finds a helmet he likes. He likes the black one, but he likes the strap on the blue one better because it has a thing that sits under the chin, but the black one doesn't. I unsnap the strap from the blue and put it on the black. Viola.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The boy: "Can you do that?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "I just did."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2nd Phone Call part 2:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "You rang?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "I just called to ask what you thought about getting a tball helmet, but I already told the boy he could get one so it doesn't matter what you say."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "What if I say no?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: laughing myself silly "Goodbye."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tball supplies gathered we head to shoes for the girl. I should mention here that the girl is notoriously hard to buy shoes for. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Endless style and size tries later:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The girl: "These might work with longer socks. Didn't you say they would give me matching socks?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Matching socks? Huh?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The girl: "When you looked at the website you said there were matching socks."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "What? Let me call Dad."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3rd Phone Call:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "When you went to to the lacrosse meeting did they say anything about socks?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "White pants, black socks and black belt."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "That's tball. I'm talking lacrosse. What's the sock situation for lacrosse?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "I think they said something about socks..."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "I'm calling a lacrosse mom."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Turns out they do not give you socks and you can wear whatever the hell kind of socks you want. The girl wants long socks in teal and also purple so she can wear one color of each. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Fine. Get both packs. Open one. Try the shoes on again."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have now been in the sports store for an interminable amount of time. While on the phone with my friend about the socks the boy gets in trouble for running in circles and messing with his sister and forces me to sternly under my breath say "You sit down right here and don't move till I say so!" giving my friend a good laugh.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The shoes don't work even with the long socks. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "We are done here. We'll get the socks and the boy's tball stuff and go to another store for cleats."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4th Phone Call:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "We got everything except the girl's cleats. I thought maybe you could meet us at sports store B if you're kinda close on your way home?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "I'm already home."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so it goes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">p.s. I could not face sports store B. One of us (I nominate Scott) has to make a second attempt before Tuesday.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">p.p.s. The boy wanted to try on all his new tball gear for Scott when we got home and proceeded to wear his cup underwear for over 3 hours to "get used to it". There was even more adjusting going on than usual which actually gives some insight to the whole baseball constant crotch touching mystery.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">p.p.p.s I know technically there were 5 phone calls, but the title refers to the 4 Scott phone calls. I just didn't like the title of 4 Scott Phone Calls & A Sporting Goods Store as much.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-70969638945051531422012-02-17T09:56:00.000-08:002012-02-17T09:56:28.311-08:00As Smart-ish As a 5th Grader<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A bit of background information:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was an excellent math student through junior year of high school which happens to be the last time I was a math student. I did take statistics in college, but that doesn't really count. I did not to take calculus my senior year of high school as I did not enjoy the calculus teacher that I had suffered through geometry with and I had fulfilled the math requirement for college, so I opted out. I was not required to take any real math in college so I did not.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott took various calculus classes in college. Yay him! This gives him the impression that he's better in math than me. You be the judge.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last night:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our 5th grader was doing double digit long division and she asked Mr. Math for help. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott to me: "Do you remember the secret to double digit long division?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "I don't know any secret. It's like single digit, but with 2 digits."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "It's been a long time since I've done long division. It's like this right?" He then leans over and shows me the paper where he's started a problem like this:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-X1xAjehYt0D8hJglbmiBwj0iGwta2B1QTFVTQOHiiRfL-pRgndOGssyJGihVNs55gDK_Aftl0_GvmTGIB6hS8j9zBXQipEqin4LiQjP8jM3hSykFHtiCMoFhn_CRh1ujYNNV4fqKlPY/s1600/IMG_0141.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-X1xAjehYt0D8hJglbmiBwj0iGwta2B1QTFVTQOHiiRfL-pRgndOGssyJGihVNs55gDK_Aftl0_GvmTGIB6hS8j9zBXQipEqin4LiQjP8jM3hSykFHtiCMoFhn_CRh1ujYNNV4fqKlPY/s320/IMG_0141.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "Why are you starting on the far right?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "That's where you start."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "That's not where I'd start. I'd do it like this.":</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJmqMWHV6vKroauVXoWejrYIuHocaPmzd7Df9AblNtQcg4LmfNAdlf4BrdklgpD1KufPFmyasrfyLWCkdljbrmCfS_VkwZf8hFkF03JOYCGSGYXEc56hex1FH3OKD6eEFfDE3-wIarn-I/s1600/IMG_0144.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJmqMWHV6vKroauVXoWejrYIuHocaPmzd7Df9AblNtQcg4LmfNAdlf4BrdklgpD1KufPFmyasrfyLWCkdljbrmCfS_VkwZf8hFkF03JOYCGSGYXEc56hex1FH3OKD6eEFfDE3-wIarn-I/s320/IMG_0144.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I started at the furtherest left that the 6 was divisible into like you are supposed to.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott then tries to complete the problem his way and realizes he's.... wait for it....WRONG.</span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: "How sad is it that I'm feeling totally superior right now?"</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Scott: "I'm glad you get to feel like that for once."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">While all this was going on the girl, our 5th grader, is saying things like:</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Give me back my paper."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"This isn't helping me."</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We ignored her of course because what mattered was which one of us was right.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">About 5 minutes later Scott bested me on a chemistry question so my superiority in the realm of 5th grade homework was short lived. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was lovely while it lasted.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">peace & love ;-)</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-78335898023267122782012-02-10T08:17:00.000-08:002012-02-10T08:17:04.115-08:00Analyze This<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last night I had a pretty bizarre, convoluted dream. The oddest part being that I got a tattoo on my cheek that said "Mere Christmas" not "Merry", but "Mere".</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I remember telling the tattooer (artist would be a giant stretch here) who spoke broken English that I wanted "Merry Christmas" across my cheek and when she asked if I was sure, I said, "Yes! I fucking love Christmas!". I was under the impression that I merely like Christmas, but according to my subconscious, I love it. Weird.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I ended up with a misspelled slasher style lettering of Merry Christmas on my cheek and I wasn't even upset about it. If I tilted my head just so, my long hair kinda covered it and I decided if I ended up hating it I could get it removed later. "Mere Christmas" was poorly written ON MY FACE and I was all "meh" about it. Weird. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, here's the weirdest part. I went on to interact with various friends and family throughout the dream and NO ONE even mentioned it. Nobody said, "What the hell is that?" or "Were you drunk/high?" or most appropriately, "Would you like a little break from the world for a couple days and a counselor to speak with?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Seriously! What is wrong with you people?!?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peace & Love ;-)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5005788899866523437.post-42094578732413594212012-02-07T15:48:00.000-08:002012-02-08T16:26:30.107-08:00Guess What I Found<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I just spent the last 10 minutes opening, inspecting, shaking, inspecting and closing all my spices looking for... Yep. You guessed it... Moths! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Bastards.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After 3 months with no signs of moths, dead or alive, I found a dead moth in a container of garlic powder. The carcass has probably been there for months as I prefer fresh garlic and can't remember the last time I used the powder, but it still pissed me off. It was a large Costco container of old hardened powder that I was happy to throw away anyway, but dammit! dammit! dammit! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I then found a smaller, newer bottle of garlic powder and when I unscrewed the cap I found a dead larvae and it's abandoned pupae nestled among the raised, swirly, screw cap receiving line thingies. That's when I got REALLY PISSED! Here's why: </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I inspected that fucking pantry and everything in it no less than 5,000 times during the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5005788899866523437#editor/target=post;postID=1734738727622731887">moth wars</a>. It is infuriating that I missed even 1 moth much less 3 (there was another dead larvae situation under the cap of some other spice).</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just goes to show that those assholes are insidious and <a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5005788899866523437#editor/target=post;postID=1574087942557046664">vigilance is prudent</a>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Also, I was sure I had dead moths that had started decomposing in my garlic salt because I saw several "wings" in there when I was shaking it all around. Then I looked at the label and it said it was Garlic Salt with Parsley Flakes. So that explains that. Probably.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peace & Love ;-)</span>Lil Tiradehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13694362787941773728noreply@blogger.com0