Sunday, January 22, 2012

Conversations with Myself... I'm not a spy.

Me: You've been lagging on the posting again.

Myself: So.

Me: It's been 12 days.

Myself: Your the only one who's counting.

Me: What about all your fans?

Myself: Yeah, Mom is probably very sad.

Me: Other people besides Mom read the blog.

Myself: Right. I do have 10s of fans. There's Sharpie Fine Girl, a few other peeps, and some "blogging friends". Also there is a person or persons who regularly read in Russia.

Me: Um, yeah, how did you get Russian fans?

Myself: I have no fucking idea, but it's kinda cool. I hope they aren't KGB spying on me.

Me: A) The cold war is over. B) Why would anyone want to spy on you? C) If they were spies don't you think they could cover their internet tracks better than that? & 4) According to wikipedia, the KGB was only in operation in Russian until 1991.

Myself: A) I know. B) I have the perfect wife/mother/suburban cover. I could be a bad ass spy. C) Good point. & 4) That's what they want you to think!

Me: You would make a shitty spy. 

Myself: Not true.

Me: You don't know any foreign languages, you don't know how to handle firearms, you have a problem staying awake past 9pm...

Myself: Wait. What? What does staying up late have to do with being a spy. Can't I do my spying during the day?

Me: Spies sometimes have to have meetings late at night or go under cover in a casino.

Myself: Casinos are totally open 24 hours a day. Duh.

Me: What about the language and gun things.

Myself: Learning a foreign language would be my limiting factor. I could spy in Canada or England maybe. I might be able to do accents. When I was 12 and went to Space Camp in Alabama for a week, I came home with a southern accent that took me a month to shake. 

Me: I don't think there's a need for spies in Alabama.

Myself: That's what they want you to think!

Me: And the guns?

Myself: While I have no current interest in arming myself, if I were going to be a spy I would learn how to use a gun and I would be bad ass at it. 

Me: This is ridiculous! You've watched too much Homeland.

Myself: Don't forget Pan Am. They have those Stewardess Spies. 

peace & love ;-).


  1. There you are! This fan was starting to wonder if you'd just wandered off permanently...

    And you would make a fabulous spy, especially in Alabama, where many spies congregate to "take some time off" but in fact are still meeting in secret little conclaves thinking that no one will ever suspect. Hell, they may be Southern, but they aren't stoopit! They know the spies by their mustaches and black hats. But the accent...ah, the accent would fool them all. captcha word is spysle. For real. *looking around for the KGB*

    1. Jo- Thanks for still being a fan even when I lag on the posting. I've learned I have to wait until an idea strikes my fancy. If I force it, then there's no hope of me being funny.

      Also, I think I should start martial arts training just in case the CIA comes a calling. Always good to be prepared. Although, they probably have their own super secret ninja training so maybe I should hold off. I don't want to confuse the issue.

  2. I'd skip the martial arts and go straight for digging a secret cavern underneath the house. Best to hide from the CIA. They're spooky. (Sorry, couldn't resist)


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