Friday, July 20, 2012

I should be scrubbing toilets.

Something very strange is going on with me. I'm leaving for vacation soon and I'm not stressing out about cleaning the house. If you find this confusing click here and all will be explained. I should be dusting, vacuuming and scrubbing, but I'm just not feeling it. I feel I should be feeling it, but I'm not. Trying to get in the spirit of my usual pre-vacation neurosis, I did clean my bathroom yesterday and while I like that it's clean, I do not feel compelled to press on.

This is worrisome. Seriously, what is wrong with me? Am I depressed? I don't think so. Here's what I know:

  • I'm pretty darn excited about the vacation with Scott to include sand, sea, beer & tequila sans children. Yay!
  • My sleep patterns seem the same. They are as jacked up as they ever were and I'm tired like I've been for the last 12 years.
  • I'm exercising and getting high from it. I get paid to do it, so I'm really not sure if would be motivated to go right now otherwise. I don't ask myself that. I just do it. 
  • I have been doing an excellent job shoving food in my face lately, but I go through cycles. Eat, drink, be merry and gain 5, followed by get strict with myself and lose the 5. I blame my daughter who has decided to be a baker this summer. It would be very rude of me not to eat all the yummy stuff she's been filling the kitchen with. (Um, yeah, there's probably some kind of eating issue in there. It's no secret I have a sugar addiction. Let's just gloss over that for now. Okay? Great.)
  • I'm still feeling the happy moments and getting fired up when appropriate or sometimes when it's not.

Yep, I seem pretty much the same minus the clean house neurosis. 

I have noticed I've been going a little longer over the last few months between serious house cleanings. Perhaps, subconsciously, I've been lowering the family's expectations so that in a few weeks when, for the first time in 11 years and 9 months, I have all my offspring in school from 8-2, they aren't wondering what in the hell I'm doing all day? The cleaner house will be a sign that finally I have time to get shit done.

Here's the problem with that, if indeed that 's what I've been doing, I don't think I'm going to feel like cleaning the house then either. 

Maybe I've just matured and have gained an understanding that in the grand scheme of things an uber clean house is overrated? That can't be right. There must be something wrong with me and there must be a drug for it. I better watch some TV and wait for one of the drug companies to inform me what I should ask my doctor about. 

Peace & Love :-)

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