Monday, June 27, 2011

Shtick It Up Your Ass!

Sharpie Fine Girl suggested to me I figure out some type of shtick, aka recurring hilarious feature, to keep folks checking the blog. She had an interesting idea of themed pictures/posts, i.e. photoshopping my bad ass gang self into the middle of Whole Foods with the caption "ghetto in the organic grotto" for the gang name post. I don't know how to photoshop. I'm sure I could learn, but that frankly sounds like too much effort. I have become enamored with shticking though so I'm working on it. 

I have several ideas:

1. Working title: Shower Thoughts 

I do some of my best thinking in the shower. Could be the calming sensation of the warm water or the whooshing sound or the fact that I can't bring my iPhone in there. Also, for the most part my kids leave me alone while I shower. Don't get me wrong if something is really urgent like, "Mom! Do you know where my Yoda guy is?" they have no qualms about screaming at me through the glass door, but 76.8% of the time I get the whole 10 minutes to myself. The brilliant thinking in the shower has been going on way before kids. I can remember saying to a friend in college, "this morning in the shower I had a totally good idea about what we should wear Friday night!" and getting the weirdest look. Maybe that individual didn't like to do their thinking in the shower or maybe they considered it an over share. Just because I'm naked when this high level thinking occurs doesn't make the thoughts inappropriate. Sooo, Shower Thoughts would be a collection of thoughts that I had while showering. For example, 

  • Today's best shower thought was the title of this post. I was thinking about developing a shtick or two and 'Shtick It Up Your Ass' just came to me!

2. Working title: Facebook Round-Up 

Sometimes my fb posts are funny. Sometimes not. I admit that I usually aim for humor and sometimes I crack myself up. Some uproarious ideas just don't need a whole blog post or maybe they do, but I just started this blog so up to now my pithiness has been more contained. I can't imagine that I will stop fb posting just because I'm blogging so I still might come up with a few good ones. Sooo, FB Round-Up would be a collection of my facebook posts. For example, 

  • My 10 y/o just responded "tru dat". No more watching The Wire for her.
  • Rekindled my love affair with wine. We are hot and heavy. Not great for the waistline though. Trying to start something with carrots to mitigate the damage.
  • According to my calorie tracker, I have 22 calories left in my budget for the day. How many sips of wine do you suppose that is?

3. Working title: Overheard on Facebook

Some of my facebook friends are fucking funny. You might enjoy their posts too and I'm pretty sure you are all not friends with all the rest of my friends or something like that -you get my gist. It would be anonymous, but it would be implied by the 'Overheard on FB' title of the post that it wasn't my post. Do you suppose anyone would get pissed? I would be flattered if some reposted my status in that manner, but maybe I'm the exception. I guess people could defriend me if they noticed I did this and they didn't like it. Alternately, they could send me a nice note asking me to please not do that again. Or maybe my friends would get funnier in an effort to make the cut. Does anyone know if this would be legal? Sooo, Overheard on FB would be a collection of my fb friend's funny posts. For example (fingers crossed none of these people sue me),

  • Another reason for me to dislike beer: The inlaws dumped 2 6-packs of skunky beer in my car that had been sitting on their porch forever. I start driving home and it erupts with shards of glass and beer shooting everywhere. Thank God it wasn't in the back seat with the kids. So now my upholstery is sliced, my car reeks and I am officially having a bad day. At least nobody was hurt. This is why I drink hard liquor.
  • doesn't understand why there's still no wine booth at open house. I told them last year.
  • Things overheard in the ER at 3:00 a.m. "No way! I'm not telling you what Vanessa said! F&*!!ing Vanessa will F&!*ing kill you in your F&!*ing sleep!"
I did have to search quite a bit for those so maybe this wouldn't be the greatest shtick. It could be once a month. My friends could step up comedic postings and help a sister out. If you guys are entertaining, then here and there I could be lazy and do an amusing post without having to actually be amusing.

I'll continue to work through this in the shower tomorrow. If you have any suggestions, better or otherwise, BRING IT!

Peace & Love :-)


  1. Try using these for your showered musings...

  2. those ideas all sound super duper and you should incorporate them all, but my favorite part of your blog is the frequent reference to sharpie fine girl. i knew this would all come to be about me eventually...and just for the record my idea wasn't just for you to be in whole foods as your gansta self but to also be beating down some some skinny-white-pinot-grigio-drinking bi-atch that just took the last quinoa duo sample just as you were about to take it. i'll get right on that for ya.


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