History Repeating Itself

This is my current fb status: 


"Finding all this snot, sore throat, stuffy head and achiness to be rather suckish."


According to fb's weird feature that rehashes old history, my fb status one year ago today was:


"sniff, sniff, achoo, ache, moan..."


REALLY? I was sick last year on labor day weekend too? I wonder if I was sick the year before. Fb hasn't told me what my status was on September 3rd, 2009 so I have no way of knowing. Maybe this pattern has been going on for years and I've never clued in? I don't have a specific way of remembering if I was well on previous labor days. It's not near my birthday or anniversary and my kids start school a couple weeks before labor day so I can't feel pissed that I am always sick right before school starts or what have you. As a kid, I started school the Tuesday after labor day and I don't remember always being sick the first day of school so it's probably not actually a life long pattern. 


It is weird in a very stupid irritating sort of way. Probably this is just a coincidence, but it may be wise to steer clear of me around this time next year.




Peace & Love :-) 

Yes, You Can Call Me Sweetheart...

Yesterday on facebook, one of my friends shared a great link to an NPR blog about parenthood not always being sunshine and roses and how we should all just be honest with each other and admit it. See Alan Greenblatt's post  here. Tru dat.

This was my comment on the link:

I feel I do alright with this, but am inspired to do more. My new goal is to share a brutally honest complaint about parenthood once a day. I think I'll start with those chatty cashiers that feel compelled/are trained to ask you about your day. When they ask what my plans are for the rest of the day, my reply will be, "Well Bob, I would like to sit in my hot tub with my husband this evening and down a bottle of wine, but instead I shall be sweating my ass off at soccer practice this afternoon followed by a lovely evening of cleaning children, making dinner, cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry. By the time the kids are asleep, I will be too tired to do anything but pat my husband on the head on my way to bed. Thanks for asking!"

This reminded me that it's really really very fucking annoying that cashiers are always asking me what my plans are for the rest of the day. I don't mind "Hello" or "How are you?" or "Did you find everything alright?" or even having a discussion about the yumminess of a certain product or two, but "What are your plans for the rest of the day?" bugs the shit out of me. When did this get on the cashier training program for Trader Joe's et al? I know you do not fucking care what I'm doing after I leave your store! I feel forced to somehow make picking up the kids from school and schlepping them to an activity sound fun. Lately, after such an encounter I fantasize about what to say instead of the truth. I've been considering making up wild and crazy things like:

• "I'm leaving for a modeling job in Paris, but first I just had to stop and get a gallon of milk for my family. It should tide them over till I get back."

• "Tonight after the kids go to sleep my husband and I are going to sneak out and go to a Rave. I need these Mentos for later. They taste really awesome when your on X."

• "Just trying to get all my errands done before my shift at The Landing Strip this afternoon."

• "Heading home to do some naked vacuuming."

• "I'm on my way to the airport to catch a flight to Kenya for a 3 week Safari." (preferably with a cart full of perishable items)

• "I'm going straight home to feed my 27 cats. Could you scan a little faster? They pee on the toaster if I'm gone for more than an hour."

The closest I've actually come to saying anything pithy is "living the dream!" followed by some awkward smiling. I don't know if I can actually say any of the above. I'm a lot more ballsy in my head and on the interweb than in person, but I'm going to try and psych up for it. Maybe start with something short and sweet like the naked vacuuming.  

I will say that not all cashier chat is bad. There are a couple of 20 something boy cashiers at my local Target that have been calling me and some of my gal pals "sweetheart" at checkout. They say it at the end as in "Have a good day sweetheart." 20 something women might be insulted by this, but for the late 30's-40 something set this is awesome! Um, yes please! I'll take some more of that. If I could only figure out these guys' schedules, I'd schedule my Target trips around their work schedules. I'd stand several carts deep in their line even if I could zip right through some old lady's line. I know a number of others that would do the same. 

Customer service training people take note (especially those at Trader Joe's. I love your store so much, why must you mire my shopping experience in this way?!?):

"What are your plans for the rest of the day?" 

= 

REALLY REALLY VERY FUCKING ANNOYING!

"Have a good day sweetheart!" (for women over 35) 

= 

AWESOME! 

Simple.

Peace & Love :-).

Good Riddance

Today, before and after writing, publishing and deleting a post that could apparently be interpreted as in poor taste and worse yet NOT FUNNY, I have been on a mission. A mission to de-clutter my email inboxes. I have 5 email addresses, 3 personal and 2 work ones. I get way too many emails. 


My primary email is for friends, the kids' activities and fb. I use the secondary email when I order things, because someone Oprah had on her show back in the day said that it's good to have an email to use for e-commerce that doesn't have your name in the address and is separate from your primary one. It's more secure I guess. The details are fuzzy, but it seemed like sound advice at the time. My tertiary email is just for my yahoo groups. When I signed up for yahoo groups, it seemed that I needed a yahoo email for it. I'm not sure this is true. It kinda seems like a stupid requirement. Perhaps I made it up. Nevertheless, the yahoo account exists. The fourthary and fifthary ones are for work. 


I am all about emails, texts and facebook messages. Dopamine releases in my brain when my iPhone is all lit up with little numbers and alerts are sounding. The text alert is particularly pleasurable. When it happens and I'm driving it takes all my will power to wait for a stop light to read it. I think teenagers should have to lock their phones in the glove box while driving so they can't possibly drive and text. Everyone knows it's super dangerous, but the pull is so strong! I stopped texting and driving when I hit a curb. Scary as hell and enough of a wake up call for me. Increasingly I don't have time for the copious emails from Target, Costco, Bath & Body, Hungry Girl, All Recipes, alumni associations, a company I ordered a curling iron from 5 years ago, and Rainbow Rewards which I apparently signed up for at some juncture, but don't remember doing so. First thing in the morning and several times a day I get excited by that little red number in the double digits and merrily open "all inboxes" only to be let down by all the junk, most of which gets deleted unopened. Even though I know that most of the emails are going straight to the trash, I can't help but get a little excited every time I hear the sound and see the numbers.


This vicious cycle ends today! It is unbelievably easy to get yourself off these email lists. A quick scroll to the bottom of the email, a click on unsubscribe and viola! A few have asked if I would like to provide a reason for the break up, but it's not required. There must be some law about this or else it would be way more difficult. I wish it was so easy to get actual junk mail to stop coming to my actual mailbox up the street. I believe you can make some of it stop coming, but it involves a phone call which I'm not so big on. I'm having a very fuzzy memory, more of a notion really, that there is a website that can help with this. I'm going to Google it. Hopefully they don't start sending me emails.


Peace & Love :-)

HIGH SCHOOL NEVER ENDS

I recently became facebook friends with my high school boyfriend GI Joe. He sent the request. I stared at it a bit, decided I was mature enough to handle it (close call on the maturity thing btw) and then called Scott. If Scott had expressed an issue, then I would have bagged the whole thing. Scott did not care, but he did have this suggestion, "You should accept the request, not say hi on his wall or send a message and then in a few weeks defriend him so his kids can laugh at him." See, Scott's high school girlfriend did this to him awhile back and my daughter and I continue to laugh about it. It's hilarious and it never gets old!


So, I accepted GI Joe's request and with curiosity awaited the first point of contact. I think no matter who you are if you send a friend request and the requestee accepts, then it is your responsibility as the requestor to say something. Does not have to be a detailed account of the past how ever many years, but you should say something. For example you could just post "hey" on their wall. Kinda lame, but it's something. If you are guilty of not saying "hey" to the friends you initiated contact with on the fb, SHAME ON YOU! This is bad behavior!


When GI Joe failed to say "hey" within 24 hours, I sent him a message. Still nothing. Well nothing in what I considered an appropriate turn around time. This sent me into total high school mode. Which in my head went something like:


Should I send a second message? 
Should it be a mean one? 
Why would I be mean (other than I was a pretty big bitch in HS and remember I was feeling very HS)? 
This is stupid! 


I then fired off a message to my college roommate, Valley Girl, recapping these events. Valley Girl said, "I wouldn't read too much into his lack of a proper message. Might be a guy thing. Also, he might be so intimidated by your awesome fitness instructor body that he is paralyzed and can't muster the confidence to talk to you." She totally had a point! Why didn't I think of that?!?

Eventually, to be fair it was only a few days, GI Joe responded and we have since had several pleasant exchanges. For those inquiring minds that want to know, he seems to be doing well and has a lovely wife and beautiful children. You can find him on facebook.


Peace & Love :-)